When Your Congregation Feels Like a Friday Intermediate Class

I spend two days a week as an itinerant relief teacher. Most often, that’s in primary schools, but every now and then, I’m called to hold the fort in an intermediate classroom. For even an experienced teacher, facing down thirty strangers, whose hormones are flaring but whose frontal cortexes are yet to come to the party, is intimidating. It’s even more challenging when you’re new to the school (and the school’s specific rules) and they all know it!

A few Fridays ago, I found myself in this exact position. I had prepared a research activity that I knew they would enjoy, which involved planning and budgeting for a week-long South Island road trip. The activity would take most of the day. However, after the roll, I was informed that this morning was their allotted library day. They seemed very committed to this routine, so I agreed.

We trudged off to the library; however, rather than quietly finding a corner to read, the students grabbed a box full of board games and noisily got to work gossiping and sinking one another’s battleships. Library time was a hallowed 45 minutes, and I realised that my road trip activity was about to be cut short, not by enthusiastic reading, but by the opportune leveraging of do-whatever-you-want time. So I cut it short. I grabbed their attention, told them we had more important work to do, lined them up, and marched them back to our classroom.

To describe the mood of the room as treasonous would be an understatement. If I could’ve banked a dollar for every eye-roll and snarky comment as I carefully explained the activity, I would’ve easily tripled my day’s earnings! At morning-tea time, they were still frosty, but by lunch, they had begun to actively enjoy the project. The day ended with each group volunteering one person who enthusiastically explained what they had learned and the decisions they’d made.

Leading church change feels a lot like that.

1. Expect strong feelings.
Most people feel change before they understand it. In church life, the loss of familiar routines, traditions, or “the way things have always been” can trigger reactions that look like shock, anger, anxiety, or withdrawal. These aren’t necessarily signs of rebellion — they are natural and predictable emotional responses. It’s how people process disruption. Recognising this helps leaders meet people with patience rather than surprise or defensiveness.

2. Expect some of those feelings to be directed at you.
Pastors consistently describe how resistance often lands on them, not because people are against them personally, but because they represent the face of change. In effect, the leader becomes the lightning rod for the congregation’s anxiety. This is uncomfortable, but it’s not unusual.

Healthy leaders depersonalise resistance, seeing it as feedback from the system rather than a verdict on their worth. By staying grounded, listening well, and reflexively pacing change, leaders can guide their people through the journey.

Change will always disturb the equilibrium. But if leaders can hold steady — balancing urgency with empathy, vision with listening — those who once resisted often find themselves re-engaged on the other side.