Bluey’s Dad and the People-Pleaser Pastor: When Being Liked Gets in the Way of Leading
Bandit Heeler, the beloved dad from Bluey, is the ultimate Fun Dad. Every episode has him playing goofy games and having a laugh with kids, Bluey and Bingo. Watching him will regularly remind me that my own parenting could do with a bit more silliness and riotous fun.
But in the episode “Sleepytime,” we catch a different side of Bandit. As Bingo embarks on a dream adventure, Bandit’s role is quieter, firmer. When she keeps getting up, he gently but persistently reminds her, “It’s time to go to sleep now, honey.” It’s a moment every parent recognises — the tension between being the fun, playful parent and the one who has to hold the line.
Bandit’s gentle firmness makes me think of Noel Pearse’s concept of the “Popular People Pleaser” — a pastor whose leadership strength is their relational warmth but who struggles when change demands disappointing people. Pearse studied fifty South African churches attempting to shift from a traditional Sunday-centric model to a small-group, cell-based structure. Change at this level inevitably unsettles people’s sense of belonging, raising anxieties and, at times, resistance.
Not all of those churches navigated the transition successfully. Pearse observed that some leaders, driven by a deep desire to be liked, became so conflict-averse that they slowed the pace of change to the point where momentum was lost entirely. He writes: “The leader has to manage the delicate balance between pushing ahead with change and thereby compelling the church to fulfil its perceived purpose and slowing down the pace of change to accommodate members’ needs.”
The fear of upsetting people can cause pastors to hesitate, even when they know change is necessary. Pearse’s model gives language to the leadership weaknesses each of us carries. Under stress, our personality tendencies are pulled toward unhealthy extremes.
So, what do you do if, on a bad day, you slip into the Popular People Pleaser role?
Recognising the tendency is the first step. The next is learning how to cope with the feeling of disappointing people. In my master’s research, I interviewed two Kiwi pastors — Bruce and Michael — who led their churches through significant cultural and missional change. They didn’t bully, control, or dominate. They named the hard stuff, but they did it with humility, empathy, and an open hand. They brought people with them, even when it was tough.
Over the next few months, I’m running two short, practical online workshops to unpack the leadership patterns Bruce and Michael used. These sessions are designed to help pastors like you lead change courageously — without losing your relational heart. I'd love you to come along.
Bandit shows us that kindness and firmness are not opposites. Sometimes love looks like saying, “It’s time to go to sleep now, honey” — even when everyone would rather keep playing.