In my years as a youth pastor, I discovered that getting my young people to invite their unchurched friends to youth events wasn't a straightforward endeavour. After a couple of serious flops, I sat down with my youth leaders and a handful of our most mature young people and asked them why they thought invitations were so rare.
Their replies were confronting.
“You always tell us to invite our friends. To everything.”
“I did once invite my friend. But no one talked to them.”
“I never know which thing to invite my friends to. And some of our things are super Christian… I don't want to accidentally invite my friend to a Bible study on Leviticus or discover that we'll be practising exorcism that night.”
Ouch! I'd gone into the conversation hoping to help my young people recognise the gap between what they said they wanted to do and what they were actually doing. But their answers challenged me to look at my own contribution to the problem, too.
As I contemplated their responses, I realised that there were at least three things going on. Yes, there was a discipleship issue: the majority of my young people needed to grow in their confidence and willingness to invite their friends. But there were communication and event-design issues, too. I'd been telling them to invite their friends to everything, without being clear about which events were suitable for people outside the church. And had I actually created environments where their friends would feel welcome and where genuine relationships could begin? Their feedback suggested I hadn't done that nearly as well as I thought.
Church leaders can make exactly the same mistakes at Christmas. Opportunities for invitation don't come better gift-wrapped than Christmas (yes, that is a pun). But we can put on a whole gamut of activities, tell our congregations to invite their friends, and then wonder why so few people actually come—or why those who do come don't connect with anyone.
Here are four questions worth asking as you plan your Christmas programme.
1. Which Christmas event will you plan for people outside the church?
Not every Christmas event needs to be aimed at people outside the church. For the sake of clarity, focus and your own energy levels, I'd recommend choosing just one.
What might make that event genuinely appealing and accessible to someone who isn't already part of your church?
It's suitable for families with children.
It doesn't assume people know much about the Bible or Christian traditions.
It's enjoyable in its own right.
It creates opportunities for newcomers and church members to interact with one another.
It might be a Christmas fete, a carols evening, a community lunch or a family-friendly Christmas service. The particular event matters less than the decision to be intentional about who it's for.
Of course, your other Christmas activities can still welcome visitors. But choosing one event to focus on people outside the church gives you something concrete to work and plan towards.
2. How will you create opportunities for people to connect?
Getting people to the event is important. But attendance by itself isn't really the win. People can attend a carols evening, watch a performance, eat their food and leave without having made a meaningful connection with anyone. We want more than that.
The challenge is to design the event not just for activity, but for interaction.
Create opportunities for welcome and connection
What we're really hoping for is connection. We want visitors to feel welcomed into the wider church family, not simply accommodated at an event. That requires a little more thought than putting on a good programme and hoping people will mingle.
There are two things to think about.
First, who will make sure visitors are noticed, approached and welcomed? Every congregation has people who are naturally good at this. Identify them, give them a key role, and encourage them to bring others alongside them. They can model good hospitality and help less confident church members learn how to welcome and engage with visitors.
Second, how will you help visitors connect with people they might naturally get to know? A young mum might appreciate meeting other parents with young children. An older visitor might enjoy talking with someone at a similar stage of life or with shared interests. Think about who in your congregation might be well placed to facilitate these introductions, and how your seating, activities and hosting arrangements can help these connections happen.
Don't leave welcome and connection to chance. Design for both.
3. How will you get people there?
Choosing an event for people outside the church is one thing. Actually getting them there is another.
Your congregation needs to know which event you're particularly encouraging them to invite their unchurched friends, neighbours and colleagues to.
Tell them. Tell them again. Get other voices to tell them, too, so they can see it's not just you who's keen. Then tell them a few more times.
Make it easy for people to invite others. Give them a clear explanation of what the event is, who it's for and why their friends might enjoy it. Provide invitations they can share, whether that's a printed card, a social media post or a simple link.
By all means, promote the event on Facebook and in the local newspaper. But publicity and personal invitations do different jobs. Publicity helps people hear about an event; a personal invitation gives them a reason to come.
If the event is a new one, don't assume people will know what to expect. Explain what will happen, what the atmosphere will be like and what their friends can expect when they arrive.
Speaking about invitation to church services, Charles Arn notes:
“Most people won’t invite a friend to a service unless they are fairly sure of what will happen and decide it will not jeopardise their relationship.”
Arn's use of the word jeopardise is striking. Invitations leverage trust. When we invite someone, we're putting a little of our own credibility on the line. No amount of encouragement from a minister will overcome the fear of a cringe-worthy experience.
So make the invitation clear, the event easy to explain, and the experience something your people can confidently recommend.
4. What happens after Christmas?
Imagine someone comes along to your Christmas event. They enjoy themselves, have a few conversations, and leave with a positive impression of your church.
What happens next?
What opportunities does your church offer for people to get to know others and develop friendships? Perhaps you have a coffee group, a mums and babies group, a walking group, a group for retirees, or some other midweek activity. These might provide a natural next step for someone who enjoyed coming along at Christmas.
Of course, you won't have something for every demographic or interest. But it's worth thinking about what you do offer, and who in your congregation might be able to extend a personal invitation.
And make it easy for that next invitation to happen. Decide beforehand which activities might make good next steps. Make sure the people involved know about them, and give your congregation something they can pass on: a flyer, a contact card or a simple invitation. Don't leave people having to work out what to suggest or where to send someone. As with the Christmas event itself, this needs to be communicated clearly and planned for.
Put another way, if your Christmas event has helped move someone from a stranger to an acquaintance, what might help them move from an acquaintance to a friend?
You're not trying to move every visitor through a predetermined sequence. You're creating genuine opportunities for relationships to deepen and for people to explore Christian faith at a pace that makes sense for them.
So, as you plan your Christmas programme, ask yourself:
Which event will we intentionally plan for people outside the church?
How will we create opportunities for visitors and church members to connect?
How will we help our congregation confidently invite people along?
What happens after Christmas?
You don't need to make every Christmas event do everything. You do need to be clear about what you're hoping to achieve, thoughtful about the experience you're creating, and intentional about what might happen next.
God willing, this will make for a more fruitful Christmas—and possibly a less exhausting one, too!